Second Thoughts
by LisaJ
Summary: In an AU, Daniel reflects on his life on Abydos and the choices he made.


SECOND THOUGHTS  
  
Abydos:  
  
Scanning the horizon of his adopted home Daniel felt the now familiar stab of guilt. After nearly five years on Abydos he was tormented by an increasing feeling of dissatisfaction.  
  
At first everything seemed right. Daniel had felt accepted by the Abydonians in a way he had never experienced before. He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment things had begun to change, when the doubts started to creep into his mind unbidden. Daniel originally tried to put it down as residual homesickness and culture shock, but it was worse. The truth was, he was bored, bored with Abydos, bored with living with such backward people, and God help him, bored with Sha're. As an archaeologist Daniel was no stranger to primitive living conditions and dealing with uneducated natives. However, he had come to realize there is a tremendous difference between spending months performing fieldwork in the company of colleagues, knowing he could return to civilization anytime he chose, and permanently living in a culture that made medieval Europe seem advanced.   
  
Daniel saw Sha're approaching, the harsh light glaring down. He couldn't help but notice that the desert sun was taking it's toll on a previously flawless complexion and her once lithe figure was beginning to show signs of thickening. //Well, what did you expect Jackson? They don't have sunscreen or aerobics here, or dentists either.// Feeling guilty, hating himself for harboring such thoughts, Daniel went to join her. Lately, their relationship had begun to sour. The primary cause for disagreement was Sha're's overwhelming maternal desires. Daniel understood her needs, he was aware that the Abydonian culture prized large families. However, he had never had much interest in children, and considering the high maternal and infant mortality rate, he did not want to put either Sha're or any children at risk. The idea that his children, descendants of a long line of distinguished scholars, would grow up to be uneducated peasants, living out their lives performing menial labor was repugnant to him. Unfortunately, while he could appreciate her feelings, Sha're was completely unable to comprehend his. Daniel was beginning to understand the hard truth that love does not automatically conquer all.  
  
Although he did miss the comforts and conveniences of Earth, his real problem was the lack of intellectual companionship. A man whose favorite activities involved the written word had deliberately marooned himself among a populace that was 100% illiterate. The Abydonians were good, honest people, but they were primitive, their culture unchanged for thousands of years. It was fascinating from an anthropological perspective, of course, but there were days when Daniel yearned to have a conversation with someone on his intellectual level. Everything he valued the most simply did not interest or have any value for his new family. The very concept of a scholar was incomprehensible to them. Daniel thought back to the day he discovered the cartouche room, unable to contain his excitement he ran back to the city, eager to share his find. He still remembered the humiliation when the townspeople laughed at him, finding amusement in his enthusiasm. He suddenly realized this had been the turning point. After that day the honeymoon was definitely over.   
  
Later that night, Daniel remembered the circumstances that led to his present situation. First that disastrous lecture, then losing his research grant, eviction from his apartment, and finally the bitter breakup with Sara. Beautiful, brilliant Sara, one of the few women who shared his passion for knowledge. He often wondered what she was doing, and if she ever thought of him. Other faces crowded into his mind, Robert Rothman, former research assistant, a man who looked like a stereotypical nerd but was a college track champion. Catherine Langford, his former mentor, and of course Colonel Jack O'Neill. Jack, a study in contrasts. One moment he was irreverent, even sarcastic, the next all military. Although Daniel's acquaintance with Jack was brief, they had formed a strong bond. When O'Neill and his men returned to Earth Daniel found himself missing Colonel O'Neill's company more than he had believed possible.   
  
Daniel, unable to sleep, mused //I have to face facts, the novelty wore off a long time ago. Do I really want to stay here the rest of my life? No, I don't. I want a cup of coffee, I want a shower, I want to talk to someone who doesn't think a cloud over the sun is a sign of the evil eye. Sighing, he turned to watch Sha're sleep. I do care for her, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life her. If I stay the resentment will continue to grow, we'll end up hating each other. There are plenty of men who would be glad to have her as a wife. Give her the children she wants. But I fell in love with her at first sight didn't I? Lets face it, the real reason I remained here is because I had no place to go. If Sara hadn't dumped me I never would have stayed with Sha're.//   
  
After several more sleepless hours Daniel finally came to a decision. Tomorrow he would uncover the gate and try to return home.  
  
Colorado Springs:  
  
Jack sat alone on his roof looking through his telescope at the night time sky. He watched the stars, remembering Abydos and Daniel. Their friendship had been short lived, but intense. Despite the differences between them, Daniel had connected with Jack in a way that few others had. Although five years had passed Jack still found himself thinking of Daniel often.  
  
About a year after the Abydos mission, after the Stargate had been sealed in a metal container, mysterious thumps had been heard. The team of scientists sent to investigate detected residue on the container walls and theorized that someone (or something) had tried to reach Earth. Horrified, Jack immediately confessed to General Hammond, telling him the true story of the events on Abydos. After the General's initial fury at being deceived subsided, they tried to get permission to send a probe to Abydos, but were denied. Jack was told to forget Dr. Jackson, that he certainly was dead. However, despite the evidence Jack refused to believe that Dr. Jackson was really gone. After all, he had seen Daniel return from the dead before. Now, after four years, the Pentagon had finally decided to risk a new mission to Abydos. Tomorrow he would enter the worm hole once again. He couldn't wait.  
  
The End. 


End file.
